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My Personal Bucket List

May 8, 2009

bucket-list-posterNot another movie reference, you might be thinking now. Well, deal with it, I like movies. And I happened to be somewhat inspired by Bucket List (2007), directed by Rob Reiner, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman (whom I both like for making the less idiotic kind of flicks).

So here’s my personal Bucket List. Before I die, I shall be plotting to…:

  1. …publish a record that Mark Knopfler as well as Madonna would buy.
  2. …hand the Pope a cup of tea, noting: “By the way; all of You were wrong about almost everything, except that there’s tea.”
  3. …save an Emperor penguin’s life.
  4. …cure boredom. I wouldn’t care about stupidity, if it wasn’t so damn annoying.
  5. …time-travel to the point where life was created, with a quick pit stop at the Roman Empire to watch a Gladiator fight – and maybe advise Caesar to dump Brutus.
  6. …understand 10 and speak 5 languages fluently (about halfway there by now, yay!).
  7. …make peace between two enemies.
  8. …mysteriously inherit a massive load of unretraceable money and spend it all in one lousy night in Atlantic City.
  9. …discover an absolute value (too hypothetical to understand anyway, I know).
  10. …do a killer performance of my favorite song in front of 41’357 people, and pick up an STD from stagediving. (wtf?! Just kidding ;))
  11. …present the US President with a striped pijama and not go to prison for it.
  12. …invent a device to store live knowledge (the perfect memory, generating a super-race of mad scientists).
  13. …try all drugs without getting addicted to anything (NOT a smart move, je sais je sais – but I’m just so terribly CURIOUS! Aren’t you?).
  14. …make a wicked cottage cheese salad (I’ve managed a weak tuna stew so far, not sure what that counts for).
  15. …not be a citizen of any country.
  16. …do a stand-up comedy show where nobody laughs (oh wait, done that. It was, apparently, stand-up drama :D).
  17. …sneak a peek at the future and try to manipulate the course of it.
  18. …communicate with a highly sophisticated civilization and persuade critical aliens to treat us as equals, for some inexplicable reason.
  19. …make a living from opening a street kitchen for pigeons. And yes, that’s an almost-joke.
  20. …tell my grandmother I have a gay best friend – then explain to her what gay actually means AND successfully revive her.
  21. …find a man who loves me for something more than my 6’1″ body length, marry him and have 2 lovely pink children. (If not, marry my gay best friend and adopt 2 Cambodian orphins and a pink Prada bag.)
  22. …recognise whether there’s a God, preferably while still alive. And if there happens to be, tell him Jesus was a bad idea (just like humanity in general, if I wasn’t convinced it must have been an accident).
  23. …clinically die and come back, as seen in Flatliners (1990). Then, most likely, rather die for good.

I’m coming to see now that my life plan appears to be…er…not exactly modest, but hey, who cares. Since nobody will be changing the course of the universe anytime soon, it doesn’t really matter what kind of crap you pull off along the way, as long as you’re reasonably fine with your personal story. So tell me: What’s your Bucket List? *excited-chitter-chatter*

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