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What You Need…According To Someone Else

November 26, 2009

(And therefore, you should definitely listen to it – to whatever you choose. ;))

…according to Barack Obama:

You need change, comrades! Got some?

…according to Osama Bin Laden:

You need to focus your oil eye on China and India. Down with America! A Middle-Eastern McDonald’s/Camel King/Subcave oligopoly is entirely enough – KFC stinks, anyway.

…according to Warren Buffett:

You need to take the right risks; it’s that simple. I can’t tell you any specifics though. (Oh, really? What a pity!)

…according to Mr. 50 Cent feat. Mrs. FEminem:

Ya need to get rich or die tryin’ – 8 Mile remix.

…according to Anna Wintour:

You need to differentiate between orange and pink. (Gosh, imagine the consequences!)

…according to Albert Einstein:

You need to make sure the universe’s infinity remains greater than your stupidity, at all times. Plus, a smart wife may prove advantageous.

…according to Jane Austen:

You need to sit, wait and wish, imperishably. Fairytales do happen, even if only in your imagination.

…according to Brüno:

You need to become famous, fabulous and fisted, bb!

…according to Jesus:

You need to drink wine, not water, and whip up a personality cult that will hang over for thousands of years to come. (Passed, with merit!)

…according to Captain Jack Sparrow:

Aye, ye need blood. I know whose blood ye need. (Please, do tell! Is there, possibly, an appealing blonde elf involved?)

…according to Johnny Depp:

You don’t need anything, as long as you’re as cool as me. Bagging a $50 million POTC 4 contract? Overrated. Sure, it allows me to maintain a nice, quiet life in the French countryside – but there’s nothing more to it, honestly. I’m independent. (Right, I’m convinced…especially when dealing with the Disney dinosaurs!)

…according to the climate:

You need to make me happy so we can be happy together, and you’re failing miserably. (We know, but we don’t care yet.)

…according to Christopher McCandless aka Alexander Supertramp:

You need to feel strong and free. Go further. You know, OUT THERE.

…according to Albert Camus:

You need to embrace the Sisyphusness of your absurd existence and try to find something to love in it. Good luck with that.

…according to Ludwig van Beethoven:

You need to listen to the sound. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

…according to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart:

You need to acknowledge the importance of wigs at age 13. Also, playing the piano may show some hidden qualities, too.

…according to Christianity:

You need to suffer, then die. (Greatness! Makes a hell lot of sense, doesn’t it.)

…according to Buddhism:

You need to relax and maybe save a worm or two. It doesn’t matter. Say Hi to Kurt Cobain! (U game, worm-saving yoga-doing toga-wearing neo-hippies?)

…according to Pastafarianism aka The Flying Spaghetti Monster:

You need to have some RAmen Bolognese w/ Parmesan, and – believe. You know you want to believe.

…according to my mom:

You need to grow older in order to understand. (THANKS, mom! :D)

…according to my grandma:

You need to have one more cookie. (THANKS, grandma! :D)

…according to my gay best friend:

You need to nab yourself a loaded senior-citizen husband, poison him and hire a couple of hot model gardeners already, girl. (I appreciate your support, ostrich. ;))

…according to me:

Jeez, why are you still reading? Don’t you realize *I* certainly wouldn’t know?! – Alright, I won’t spoil the fun and shall nevertheless graciously descend to sharing yesterday’s neuro-leftovers:
You need to stop needing and start wanting. Consciously, BIG TIME. Unless you’re born a penguin, there is no excuse for keeping your resources frozen. Bring it on! Because you can. *meh*

…and last, but likely not least:

Kindly consult the Beatles’ lyrics word count: Let it be “You”, “I” and “Love”!

(It remains unclear until today whether the Beatles actually were really smart or just…er…incomparably unoriginal? Hmmm. Indeed, the latter would equal blasphemy. Fine then – love it must be! Y Not, Ringo.)

And what do you need…according to you?

3 Comments leave one →
  1. May 7, 2010 9:50 pm

    thanks for information , keep writing thanks for sharing 🙂


  2. The Mighty X permalink
    May 17, 2010 11:33 pm

    Very profound, I enjoyed stumbling on this. Also terribly amusing. Thank you.


  3. October 6, 2010 9:42 pm

    Cool web site, I hadn’t come across previously during my searches!
    Keep up the superb work!


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