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How to be purposeful while being directionless

June 21, 2012

– or, in my case…

How to be purposeful while being multi-directional.

 

Once again, I am phasing.
(Unfortunately not precisely that impressive werewolf thingie, but it’s still pretty bad-ass. ;))

During the past 10 years, I’ve been trying to find THE SOLUTION to life for me over and over again, and obviously I’ve been failing over and over again. Only recently have I started doing better, after I came to acknowledge the fact that there seems to be no *it* for me and I will not ever be able to quite put my finger on myself. I found myself practically forced to bury my unachievable expectations and return to plan zero.

So basically, I’m just a complex, unfathomable miracle who is clearly too stupid to fully unravel its own mystery.
(Anyone else’s – not too much of a mission, I’m afraid… :P)

Now I feel much more comfortable with my being something without at the same time knowing anything.

Nevertheless, each day still holds the potential to throw me off my secured paths and cast me out into bottomless space, leaving me disoriented and lacking thrust. As a result, a lot of my ordinary efforts are flowing into preventing myself from losing confidence, becoming insecure and forgetting about my big picture in the first place.

“What the heck am I doing here again? Why would I want to be in my wrecked position anyway?”

Maybe I need a reminder. Perhaps something like:

Generally

Specifically

Who would’ve thought I’d manage to make such a huge production out of myself? Dayum, I definitely haven’t reached the greatest sophistication yet – simplification…😀

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